Guilt 101

Dear Friend,

I’ll tell you something. I’m the kind of person who easily gets guilty even about something so trivial. My sister and I fought again today and I feel really guilty about it. I always make mistakes, and I’m really frustrated about it. I know that it’s normal for a person to make mistakes but I always end up hurting other people. When that happens, I question myself if  I really deserve to live in this world. If it’s alright to wish that people will leave me alone because they will just be hurt if I continue to be with them. Is it selfish to keep people by my side even though I know that in the end I can hurt them and I will be left devastated? I know to myself that I can hurt people with what I say but change, for me, is so scary. I’m afraid that if I change, in the end I won’t know myself. Sigh, I’m sorry if I’m posting this. To everyone who can read this, please don’t mind the drama. I just need some outlet for my feelings. Thanks for listening Friend!

 

~yorunotenshi

Understanding and Moving On: Goodbye for Real, 6-nin NEWS

Dear Friend,

On my earlier blog entry about NEWS, I have told that I felt betrayed by the departure of the two members of NEWS, Yamashita Tomohisa and Nishikido Ryo. I don’t know but every time I hear their name, I feel a stab in my heart. Until now, I feel angry to them that they did not fight and waited with the rest of the members. I know it’s selfish, but as a fan, seeing them pursuing their careers while the other four held on to group, waiting and hoping that their careers will be revived, I really can’t help but being bitter, especially to Yamapi because I thought he can hold to the group while pursuing his solo career. Until now, I tried to block all of Yamapi’s memories from my mind. He’s the first member of the group that I’ve liked so it really hurt to see him leaving. But he is also human. He makes mistakes, regrets them and try to make it up. I haven’t realized it until I read his letter to himself that I got from Facebook. Here it is:

To Tomohisa Yamashita

Today I am going to tell you what I’ve always wanting to tell you
And I am going to say it specially in front of all the people who have come to support you

You left NEWS
If you had the strength to unite the 6 people
If you had the strength to pull everyone together
Not only you’ll be able to let the fans stay happy
You might not even have to leave NEWS
The choice which you’ve made now
Is the result of what you’ve been pondering over the last 3 years, right?
However, I think that with your departure
Among the fans of NEWS, some are angry, some are shocked, some hate you
Even if you want to apologize to these fans
Before you could find the right time to do that, time has slipped away
If you were more capable
Not only you could carry out your solo work
You would also be able to prevent emotions like these from developing and continue to move on
3 years ago
NEWS had their regular TV variety show for the first time
But during that time
You were continuously filming “Buzzer Beat” and then “Code Blue”, so you had to decline appearing in the variety show
Before you made that decision,
you blamed yourself
Could you go on like this?
You’ve caused troubles to the members
You couldn’t convince yourself too
What ordinary folks could do, you couldn’t
Between group and individual work, you couldn’t balance them well
Therefore you decided to leave yourself out
Began the journey on your own
The road ahead was tougher than you thought
I think you’ve realized it by now
When you were with NEWS
you were always first in Oricon ranking
The Yamashita Tomohisa in NEWS were also first then
But now you’re not with NEWS anymore
Yamashita Tomohisa’s song is also not first anymore
Do you have any regrets?
However, after you’ve accepted this reality
You should also realize that you are now able to accept more challenges ahead
“You only have one lifetime”
You strongly believe in this phrase
To those who decide to support the you who are restarting,
To those who are appearing in front of you today,
In order to let them believe that what you have chosen is what is best for everyone
You have to put in a lot more effort to work harder
Therefore, the you who are always not good at spoken words only have this to say to everyone

Yamashita appeared on the stage at this moment and he said:-

Everyone of you
You believe in me
You’ve come here today
I thank you from the bottom of my heart
And, from now onwards
please continue to watch over me.

When I’ve read this letter I realized what a bad fan I was. I only listened to my emotions and did not consider his side of the story. I’ve been blinded by his decision to leave and forgot that he is also a human, prone to committing mistakes. Through this letter, I’ve finally understood hi side of the story. I have finally learned to come into terms with my feelings. I can finally let him go and accept the fact that the past can’t be redone. Now, I can support the new NEWS with all my heart without thinking of  “what ifs.” Goodbye, 6-nin NEWS. Thanks for the music you have created together all these years that inspired me and gave me strength to carry on.  Thank you for the smiles you’ve shared with us, your fans that supported you all the way. Thank you and goodbye, and please always remember that we will always support you no matter what. Goodbye, 6-nin NEWS.

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~yorunotenshi

Credits to: Yamashita Tomohisa Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/notes/yamashita-tomohisa/a-letter-from-tomohisa-yamashita-to-himself-posted-on-28-jul-2012-osaka-day-1-co/10150981681678924]

The Lying Game by Sara Shepard

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Yay! My first book review! Actually, this will be more like my opinion about the book. I just want to share the good books that I’ve read. And this is the my latest craze today: The Lying Game novels. I just finished the second book yesterday and I’m currently finding the third book.

O~kay, I’m getting off the topicf. So, The Lying Game is the first book of The Lying Game novels by the creator of Pretty Little Liars. The story is about Emma Paxton, a foster child who discovers she has a twin sister through a video in Youtube. She sends Sutton, her twin, a message through Facebook and received a reply telling her to come to Sabino Canyon, Arizona. Emma excitedly went there to meet her sister only to be kidnapped,which turned out to be a prank by Sutton’s friends. They have mistaken her as Sutton and dragged her to a party. But where was Sutton? Emma learned later that Sutton was murdered and her killer is threatening her to play along as Sutton or she will be the next to die. So, who is the killer? As Emma tries to uncover the truth about her sister’s death, she learns that her sister and her friends are part of a secret clique called The Lying Game, aimed to play pranks to people. With the long list of victims of The Lying Game, who could be mad enough to kill its “President”, Sutton? Or could it be one of the members of the Lying Game? With nobody to trust, Emma will try to find out who is her long lost twin sister’s killer before he kills her too.

There, I finished my so-called plot of the !st book of the series. Now, I can say my opinions. The book is super awesome! I’m not a fan of mystery-thriller stories but I really fell in love with this book. By the way, I forgot to mention that the story is in Sutton’s point of view, the ghost Sutton, that is. I really liked that part of the story. Telling it in Sutton’s point of view for me is a really big leap for the story because Emma can’t discover alone about Sutton’s past. As Sutton recovers her memory, we can understand her side of the story why she did things like that in the past. Also, the way the clues are laid are pointing to one person then you will discover he/she is not the killer. The author really knows how to play her cards well. She can make me want to read more to the point that I can’t stop reading. I can’t wait to read the whole five books! I’m really sure the story will be epic! I can’t say added words anymore but I will only tell one thing: THIS BOOK IS A MUST READ! I SWEAR, CROSS MY HEART, HOPE TO DIE!

Saying Goodbye to my Old Self

Dear Friend,

I really feel depressed right now. I failed a major exam and I feel that I don’t belong with the course that I’m now taking up. I asked my younger sister for advice on what can I do and she told me to not mind it and just do my best. But what can I do? It just feels so wrong. I really enjoy writing now and my course is related to business. I am an introvert type person but my course involves mingling with people. Okay, I’ll end this now. Thank you for listening and I hope I can find something that will cheer me up.

 

 

 

Love,

yorunotenshi

I <3 NEWS

Dear Friend,

I’ve decided to call my blog “friend”, the same way Charlie in The Perks of Being a Wallflower does.  Well, it’s to keep myself private and I can say whatever I want.

We’re getting off the topic so I”ll start now. I told you in my last blog entry that I’m a fan of anything Japanese, and that include boy bands too. NEWS, or Nyusu in Japanese is a four member Jpop group composed of Koyama Keiichiro, Masuda Takahisa, Kato Shigeaki and Tegoshi Yuya. They debuted last 2003 with nine members but after their first single, one member quit. Several years later, 2006, I think, two members, Uchi Hiroki and Hironori Kusano was accosted of underage drinking and was kicked out of the group. On 2007, the 6-member NEWS released their seventh single, Hoshi wo Mezashite after a brief hiatus. I don’t really care what happened before the 6-nin NEWS. It’s them that I learned to love but what left me in tears is the departure of he members Yamashita Tomohisa and Nishikido Ryo. I really felt betrayed, especially with Yamapi because he is the first member of the group that I have known. They could have waited, but they did not. Oh, enough of that. Right now, I understands their side of the story and besides they are the odd pair in NEWS and now that they left, the bond within the group is so stronger.

Enough of the drama. I will no introduce you to the boys that inspired me and helped me in preventing myself from going crazy due to stress, the four members of Nyusu!

Koyama Keiichiro (Kei-chan)

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Masuda Takahisa (Massu)

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Kato Shigeaki (Shige)

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and…

Tegoshi Yuya (Tego)

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They are all handsome right? By the way they had a comeback last June through their album NEWS BEST and this coming July 18 they will be having their new album Chankapaana! oh, by the way they will also have a summer tour this coming August! I can’t wait! anyways here’s the picture of the DVD box set that I really want to buy but due to lack of money, I can not.

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Anyway, thank you for listening friend! This is yorunotenshi, signing off!

I in this World.

It’s my first time creating a blog, so I don’t really know what to say.

I created this blog as an escape to the “real world”. As Lindy of Alex Flinn’s Beastly escapes reality through books, I found this as an outlet for my the things that happens in my life that I can’t share to anybody. I don’t expect anybody to read this particular post, but I’ll be writing soon about book an drama reviews.

So, I’ll introduce myself. I’m yorunotenshi, which means angel of the night in Japanese. I love anything Japanese, though I’m not one. I love watching Jdramas and I’m also a fangirl. I also love reading books with themes like fantasy, adventure and friendship. I’m not fond of love stories, precisely because I’m not the one to easily believe in things like that. The only love stories I read are the books written by one of my favorite authors who is mentioned earlier, Alex Flinn. So, to anyone who will spend their precious time in reading this, see you on my next post!

~yorunotenshi

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